One of the harshest truths about family court is this: if it’s not in writing, it didn’t happen.
I received a powerful comment on a recent article that perfectly captured this reality—one that far too many parents, especially fathers, only learn after being blindsided by a broken and brutal legal system.
“That is why everything must be in writing. If the opposition or the court files papers against you, you must file a response and objection immediately. If the opposition or the court sends a letter to the Court you must respond in writing back to the Court objecting and arguing in opposition. Emails don’t cut it. They get lost many times in the shuffle. Phone calls are a waste of time. The instant the opposition (if they take your call), or the court employee hangs up the phone, YOU ARE FORGOTTEN ABOUT!!!”
This is not paranoia—it’s reality. And if you’ve ever been through a contested custody case or tried to defend yourself from false allegations, you know just how quickly silence or delay can be used against you.
Family Court Is a Paper Battlefield
It doesn’t matter how sincere you are, how obvious the truth may be, or how unfair the situation is. The system responds to paperwork. Not tears. Not phone calls. Not emails. Not common sense.
Everything—every motion, every response, every objection—needs to be in writing and filed properly. If the court sends a letter, you write back. If the opposing party makes a claim, you respond. And you do it immediately.
Because if you don’t, they will take your silence as agreement. And that’s how people lose custody, get slapped with gag orders, or find themselves paying thousands per month based on distorted income claims—without ever getting to tell their side.
Know Your Rights—And How to Use Them
The comment continues with practical legal strategy for depositions and discovery:
“When brought into depositions, any and all questions by the opposition should be responded to with another question or statement that you cannot answer… I invoke my Fifth Amendment Rights to remain silent.”
Family court attorneys are trained to twist your words. They’ll ask you seemingly harmless questions, but every answer can be used to undermine you. If the issue involves finances or allegations that could carry criminal implications—invoke your Fifth Amendment rights. You don’t owe them your self-incrimination.
And yes, invoke your First Amendment right not to speak, especially when the question seems improper or designed to trap you.
“If the opposing lawyer threatens to call the judge on you, say ‘Go ahead.’ And I’ll tell the judge you’re violating my Due Process rights through intimidation, coercion, false allegations, and deception.”
This isn’t just bold—it’s smart. It calls out the abusive power dynamics at play and puts the court on notice that you know your rights and you’re willing to assert them.
Don’t Play Fair in a Rigged Game
One of the most cutting lines from the comment came from a quote shared by a University of Florida law professor:
“False allegations are the stock in trade of Family Court lawyers.”
Let that sink in. Not the exception—the stock in trade.
Family court rewards those who lie convincingly, file fast, and weaponize the system. If you walk in assuming the truth will protect you, you’re already at a disadvantage.
This isn’t about stooping to their level, but about not walking into the trap unarmed. Be strategic. Document everything. Challenge every lie. Demand accountability. And never trust that the system will protect your rights unless you force it to.
Final Thoughts: The Survival Mindset
I responded to the comment with this:
You’re absolutely right—if it’s not in writing, it didn’t happen. That’s one of the hardest but most important lessons people learn too late in family court… The more people who understand the rules of this rigged game, the harder it becomes for the system to keep winning by default.
This is the truth they don’t tell you—and the kind of knowledge that could save someone’s home, rights, or even their life.
So if you’re reading this and you’re in the fight: put it in writing.
Every time. Every step. No matter how small it seems.
Because in family court, paper beats pain every time.
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Author’s Note:
Special thanks to Bruce Eden, whose research, caselaw review, and personal insight into family law helped shape the foundation of this article. Your work continues to educate and inspire those fighting for transparency and reform.
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