Michael Phillips

PRO SE TRIAL STRATEGY: How to Survive Family Court Against a Narcissist and a Bulldog Lawyer

By Michael Phillips

When you’re representing yourself in family court, the odds already feel stacked. But when you’re up against a manipulative ex who lies with confidence and an aggressive “bulldog” attorney who barks louder than the facts—they don’t just feel stacked. They feel rigged.

This guide is for the pro se parent who refuses to back down quietly. Whether you’re fighting for custody, visitation, or simply the truth, here’s how to take back control of your narrative, your case, and your dignity.

The Setup: You’re Outnumbered, Not Outmatched

Your ex may use the courtroom like a stage. They’ll cry on cue, twist your past, and play the victim. Their lawyer? A paid hitman in a suit. Every answer you give will be poked, prodded, and turned into a soundbite to make you look unstable.

That’s their game. But you’re not here to play games. You’re here for your child.

So let’s even the playing field.

1. Control the Tone by Controlling Yourself

When they escalate, you de-escalate. Narcissists and aggressive attorneys want you emotional—they win when you react.

“Let them raise their voice. You raise your case.”

Speak with calm. Move with purpose. Silence can be power.

2. Preload the Narrative Through Your Testimony

Don’t wait to “respond” to attacks. Frame your story first—through your own opening, testimony, and questions.

Say clearly:

“I’m not here to attack anyone. I’m here to show how I’ve consistently acted in my child’s best interest, even when I’ve been denied the opportunity.”

Make the judge feel like you’re the reasonable one—because you are.

3. Redirect Every Attack to the Child’s Needs

They’ll call you names. They’ll paint you as the problem.

Don’t bite.

Instead, pivot:

  • “The issue here is what’s best for our child.”
  • “I’ve tried to communicate, and here are the emails to prove it.”
  • “This is not about me or her. It’s about protecting our child from future harm.”

Judges don’t care about your divorce drama. They care about parenting.

4. Build Credibility with Language and Logic

Avoid emotional words like “liar,” “narcissist,” or “abusive” unless you’re citing verified records.

Use courtroom language instead:

  • “That statement is not supported by the record.”
  • “There is no finding of abuse. I respectfully dispute that.”
  • “The objective evidence shows a different pattern.”

Credibility wins cases. Calm facts cut through noise.

5. Anticipate the Lies. Reframe the Narrative.

Narcissists will lie. Bulldog lawyers will back them up. Expect it.

So beat them to it.

“Despite court orders, I was repeatedly denied visitation. Here are the messages, timestamps, and screenshots.”

Or:

“There have been no findings of unfitness or abuse. These claims are unsubstantiated and inconsistent with the evidence.”

Be the first to say it. Say it plainly. Then show the proof.

6. Object Like a Surgeon, Not a Sledgehammer

Object only when it matters. Don’t try to “win” with objections. Use them to protect your record and highlight abuse of process.

Go-to objections:

  • “Objection, relevance.”
  • “Objection, leading the witness.”
  • “Objection, argumentative.”
  • “Objection, assumes facts not in evidence.”

Stay poised. Don’t argue the objection. State it, then let the judge decide.

7. Let Exhibits Tell the Truth

Let the documents show:

  • You were calm
  • You followed the order
  • You showed up
  • You were denied

You don’t need to say “they’re lying.” The paper trail should make it obvious.

A well-labeled Exhibit B speaks louder than a 10-minute argument.

8. Closing = Your Chance to Take the Mic Back

By the time you reach your closing, it may feel like you’ve been dragged through the mud.

This is your moment to rise from it.

Summarize with clarity:

“What this case has shown is that I have made every effort to be a present, respectful, and cooperative parent. I ask this court to focus on the patterns—not the performance. The facts support a ruling for shared custody, accountability, and protection of my rights and my child’s future.”

Final Thought: You’re Not Powerless

Yes, you’re self-represented.
Yes, the odds feel unfair.
Yes, the system is flawed.

But here’s what you have that they don’t: the truth, the evidence, and the quiet strength that comes from fighting not for revenge—but for love.

They may control the noise. But you can control the record.

And in family court, the record is what matters most.

Want more pro se tools and downloadable trial kits?
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